dmxrated: (Default)
2017-04-09 06:58 am
Entry tags:

[sticky entry] Sticky: Just imported from LiveJournal

I have just imported this blog from LiveJournal, in light of certain events involving its servers and TOS. Yincira is already preparing to delete her LiveJournal account, with Tumblr already providing an outlet for her fiction rants. (Despite instructions to delete my original blog as per LJ's new guidelines, I am still leaving everything there for traction, especially since this whole import has already been completed save for my still queued comments.)

Right now, I have more important things to do than to comb through everything these past twelve years. I might revise individual entries that either I revisit on my own or someone alerts me is to any extent broken or out of context, though. However, as a general rule, if I said "this site" on any day before April 9, 2017, I am referring to LiveJournal, not this site.

(Also, since this is likely to be the only time I post a sticky-entry, I suppose this is a good time now to start referring to my Pokemon ficseries, formerly Parasitic Trio, by its new title from over a year ago, Unwilling Service.)
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-10-14 07:21 am

(no subject)

Five years almost to the day after having played Earthbound Zero on FCE Ultra, today looks like a better day than any to play a translation of its Japan-only GBA re-release on my Nintendo DS. Brian has already come up with something to make happen for Starbound's next arc, which assures me well enough that we will finally get that fic back on its feet in the foreseeable future. Right now, it's raining, so this isn't a good time to stack wood, and Mom won't be home to give me other things to do because she has to drive Grandpa to Aunt Allison's today. All else I have besides WaniKani is How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, which Mom got me from the library yesterday and I had already read early in '12.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-10-10 05:32 am

(no subject)

Internet was down when I first woke up yesterday. Started re-reading Kanji in Context just to pass the time, but that ended up what I'd be doing throughout the day between reviews.

Not trying to translate the actual sentences; just seeing what I can recognize from WaniKani. I managed to recognize a good few words, but there are also words that the site should logically have already covered if they were even there. Then again, I am aware that no one source can cover everything, so it might be better just to see WaniKani through before coming back to KiC for real.

Yesterday also happened to be the day I finally received Marie's phone, and I also found an app with which to record game footage exclusively. Will be sure to test that on Cutie Riot, but given how I just barely managed to actually decipher anything from KiC, now might not be the best time to start playing Magia Record, in case the dialogue in that game contains any hints of what you're supposed to do. I've actually been hoping to play Mother real soon before going over everything from WaniKani again, but not until Brian and I actually talk about the overall plot of Starbound's next arc (outside of Maria's situation), lest that game only depress me like Getter Love!! did last week. (He did say that we're gonna keep piling ideas until we have more than enough material to form an arc with, but also that I need to come up with some myself. So far, I've told him that I need a basis of some sort to form ideas on, and am still waiting to hear back from him again.)

Well, we also got our first load of firewood for the year, so I guess I might as well start on that today while I'm not playing anything.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-10-08 05:12 am

(no subject)

Uncle Robby brought Grandpa here to stay for the time being, but only stayed for a little while himself.
dmxrated: (Link: Faces of Evil)
2017-10-04 04:34 am

(no subject)

Asked Marie yesterday morning just to send me her phone already. She's agreed to take care of that sometime this week.

Also sent Brian an email to ask that he come up with stuff for Starbound's next main arc. He never got to reply, and I gave him a call yesterday afternoon, during which he agreed to be available at 12:30 today.

In the meantime, it has just crossed my mind yesterday to start watching some anime that I recently got from the library, after spending some time doing basically nothing between WaniKani reviews. Originally, I only picked them out just to take advantage of one of my visits there that I made mainly for Kazumi (one or two volumes available each time), and had no actual interest in watching anything right now, but with Getter Love!! (and for that matter, Kiratto Kaiketsu*) off the table now, it's a good thing I got them and that we hadn't gone there just a few days ago like Mom at one point planned on. (Two of them are on Blu-Ray, which means time to hook up my DVD player while I still have the TV to myself.)

(*Four out of five main characters for each round who will battle randomly generated dogs, a wandering security guard, and eachother.)
dmxrated: (Link: Faces of Evil)
2017-10-02 07:43 pm

(no subject)

Enough with Getter Love!! already.

To begin with, the whole point of playing it this week before Grandpa comes over was to take advantage of its availability and stave off the time that I play Mother. Honestly, though, it's not fun when it reminds me of the grand finale of a fic that I am having nothing to do with for a long time*, and it says something when the secondary thing I decided to alternate it with, which I was originally planning for right before Thanksgiving, overshadows that instead.

(*By that, I mean that each time a girl (one of the secondary characters) visits one of the players somewhere, and especially when someone lands a double date, that in particular reminds me of the potential times when one of Unwilling Service's main characters will either battle or team up with either eachother or someone they've befriended beforehand.)

In fact, Mother can also wait a bit longer. Even though it might motivate me to work on some of my Starbound files for a bit, any planning for the fic's next arc is still gonna have to wait until Brian's here and I can show him this past entry and discuss things in general with him (even before we watch Popotan, either then or over the holidays).

All things considered, I'm just gonna continue reviewing my vocabulary, revisit just Kanji in Context after that, and then ask Marie then to send me her phone, reviewing stuff just one more time with that on its way here. (Even though I've abstained otherwise from RPGs in general well over a year ago for aforementioned Starbound-related reasons, I would be glad to spend some time with Madoka for until I can get some ideas for that damn arc to mull over already.)
dmxrated: (Natsuki)
2017-10-01 06:24 pm

(no subject)

On second thought since this morning, this week might be an even better time to play Getter Love!! instead, especially after having landed someone for a new Cibus fic (though he still has yet to get back to me after I've welcomed him this morning). Grandpa will be staying over next week, and Mom will need to hook my TV up in Marie's room while he occupies that.

With that, I've decided to start reviewing all my past vocabulary today, with the game as a way to space each lesson out. Played only one round, though, because Mom had stuff for me to do outside throughout the day, but I've managed to review a total of seven lessons (first three in one sitting, since those are short and easy).

Will be sure to review everything again after I actually do play through Mother, following that round up with Japanese in Mangaland and Kanji in Context, and polish things up one more time either once I get around to asking Marie to send me her phone or until she just brings it home with her if Thanksgiving is close enough to wait for just the remainder. (Tomorrow should also be the day I finally give Minori chapter 2 of Starbound to translate, after I add in a description of Rokuna's real outfit.)

(Also managed to cut back on cookies and ice cream these past few days.)
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-10-01 05:24 am

(no subject)

It took a whole two weeks, but I finally completed a prose version of Puella Magi Kazumi Magica: The Innocent Malice, after Yincira told me how unlikely she is to read the actual manga due to a type of fanservice that I didn't pay any attention to when I read through my own set last year (something that was even emphasized in a bonus feature that I didn't read at the time because I was focused mainly on the story. I will admit having noticed even back then how the pages tend to make the characters look overexposed, even two who actually are aside, but I figured she'd overlook that since it's much more obvious in color what they're actually wearing. But yeah, since she mentioned it, I could see now how often the angles emphasize their butts even though most of them aren't wearing short, loose skirts).

Having re-read that whole thing sure brings back memories, from my trip with Dad to Grandma's in April of '15, to Yincira's last weeks available later that year, when I originally sought to write up my own Cibus adaptation of Kazumi Magica (before switching to the HLM girls and Pia Undo, and then to rebooting the original Cibus fic).

Anyway, just reset my Cibus project position on Upwork, and actually managed to land someone this time. The fact that I still have to check Upwork for proposals (not even for replies) is something I'm gonna look into today. (Tomorrow is the day I start playing Mother, and after that, I will review all the vocabulary I've covered to date on WaniKani before asking Marie then to send me her old phone.)
dmxrated: (Kagami)
2017-09-26 12:11 am

(no subject)

Chapter 13 of Starcrossed Sisters:

Dad picked us up some Turkish takeout for Mom's birthday. While Mom and I were sorting the food out, I accidentally knocked over the container of red lentil soup by a ladle that Mom placed in it.

From now on, let's take care of that first, and set it aside before we manage everything else.


Let me be honest with myself as I continue putting my life back together:

My interest in Lucky Star has all but waned at this point.

Might come back to Starbound another day, but up until recently, I had simply been more interested in Pokemon. Just sent Jake another apology several days ago, after something dawned upon me and I figured he'd at least have had enough time to cool off, but I still have yet to hear from him. Even if he does, though, he still has yet to get his life back in order, and I still have next year's trip to save up for.

So, with even that off the table now, I mainly just wanna focus now on Madoka. I'm not even particularly interested in reading any fanfiction anymore, aside from what I commission for.

Speaking of which, since I no longer plan on writing anything personally like I did between uploading the original Cibus fic as it still remains to FanFiction and having Brian talk me out of rebooting it more than a year later, and with Starcrossed Sisters panning out so well as it is so far and looking fine even without her input, I gotta say that waiting for Yincira is also a moot point, at least as far as fanfiction goes. I did already mention hoping to discuss some terms for critiques whenever she does, but without my original reason for discussing fanfic possibilities, all that's left is commemoration and because I had already sent her Oriko (original and Extra Story), Kazumi, and Suzune Magica to read personally, and I'm sure she'd appreciate not having to brainstorm anything involving such fetishy subject matter inherent in the Cibus project. (Jake even told me in his last email thus far that Yincira might've been avoiding me because of that, and even though that's only an inference from a different person than her, I have no reason to doubt that might indeed have had partly to do with it.)
dmxrated: (Yuichi)
2017-09-20 07:31 pm
Entry tags:


Need time to decide whether I actually wish to reconcile with Jake later on. Writing this, because now is not likely the time to bombard him with yet another email.

Jake. I'm sorry I made nearly everything about me. I'm sorry I became overly aggressive and acted so inconsiderately towards your agenda and situation. I'm sorry I gave you such a thing as permission to postpone further discussion for later, and then yanked it on you. I'm sorry I let all my emotions get the better of me. I'm sorry I came off as justifying myself when I only meant to analyze what ultimately led me to write "go fuck yourself." I wish I hadn't gypped myself of certain answers by assuming at the point in question that they weren't coming anyway, and I would be grateful to hear whatever you would've had to say. Again, I know we both said everything we respectively said at the heat of the moment, and you'll need some time to cool down before deciding whether to stand by it all or not.

At the same time, though, let me say this just for the sake of honesty, because I know it's not right to ask someone to come back and then demand that they make up for their own actions: Read more... )

You're free to contact me whenever you wish, if you ever do, but otherwise, I'm probably gonna take between a few months and a year before we talk again, if it's back on the table even by then.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-09-20 05:37 am

(no subject)

Jake told me he read both my previous entries, and only saw me blaming everyone else, and especially him, for my actions.

My fault for not having been clear about this in the first place, but I only meant to look at things objectively. Emotions are what drive someone to do something, and they don't come from nowhere. I do get that a person can still choose whether to act on them or not, but at the same time, it is only natural to want to hold others accountable for their decisions, and often enough, it's the right thing to do.

In this case, though, I do acknowledge having crossed the line between accountability and needless badgery.


Mom later emailed me from work, asking what's going on. All I said at first was "Jake and I are done." Upon filling her in after she asked, she then suggested that maybe we both just need a break from eachother.

Whether Jake will or has accepted a more genuine apology I had gone on to email him, we can make things right later. Right now, I still need to sort my own agenda back out, and that includes simply putting Unwilling Service back on the back burner until next year.
dmxrated: (Yuichi)
2017-09-18 08:47 pm

Why has this been too much to ask for?

All I wanted in the first place, was to have a meaningful break from Lucky Star after re-reading the prologue of Bonds. I wanted to start reading other people's Madoka fanfics, as the one who commissioned for and hosts Cibus Esculentus Madoka Magica, and under such conditions that they would actually interest me.

Sure, I was still focused on Starbound and some related material, but then Yincira left after a few months of worthwhile discussion, and no one I contacted afterwards offered real help with the Cibus project.

Now, I've already long forgotten about Blood's works from 2013, in favor of the since-revived Unwilling Service, but even that has ceased to matter, and I don't know where to go from here. It's hard to look forward to anything when the only things I've really succeeded with so far have been the ongoing Starcrossed Sisters and a line of pics from one other person in particular.

Jake, I'm sorry I gave you permission to disengage and then revoked it on you. I wasn't thinking.

We're still not done, though. I still value this relationship of ours, but it's your responsibility too. At the very least, I want to make sense of what actually led up to this latest disaster in such a long line as has been going on. I honestly thought we were on such good terms about things. You did realize how hard it is to be enthused about what's little more than a rehash of the games' plot, but that said nothing about any half-measures you'd later refer to.

I'll try not to be a sea lion. Just work with me, okay?
dmxrated: (Yuichi)
2017-09-18 08:05 am

I'm sorry, Jake.

In addition to what I wrote yesterday and deleted last night, I said some hurtful things to Jake the day and so before. All those few things were on impulse, because nothing seems to matter anymore. Every attempt I've made these past two years to derive fulfillment from something just ended in one more failure, like I was never meant to have some fandom legacy to leave behind when I die.

Two days ago, Mom and I were running some errands, starting with the library to pick up some books I had on hold. She was the one to bring that up first, when we were leaving the gym that morning, before I asked about it again several times later for the sake of planning. That much went smoothly, and then she made another stop to Savers. I hopped over to Stop & Shop to pick up some cookies, but after that, could only pace around in an aisle before she showed me some tupperwares she found for said cookies. By that point, I just wanted to go home and sleep everything off, she told me she wouldn't be long, and I replied that she always says that and then takes around half an hour, and she got annoyed in turn and gave me the keys back to the car. (She actually did take only five more minutes.)

(In fact, had I gone on to live independently after college, I might very well have disowned my parents for such disregard for my own agenda that they seemingly displayed, such as by never negotiating to have me take fewer than four classes each semester, although I would still have welcomed any attempts to reconcile. It's a good thing I had continued living with them, having only concluded things about that more than a year ago.)

I also asked Yincira the other day how her mental recovery is going so far. That was on impulse, and I knew she still wouldn't have any real timeframe planned out, but I figured that maybe learning about the details would help me draw some kind of estimate. It does help that she mentioned to someone on Tumblr, having the spoons to read others' fanfiction and try out new shows again, from which I went on to remind her of Stars Above and suggest Divine Gate, but there are still things surrounding a certain subject that she told me only last week that she's tired of at this point, mostly in relation to what she might be willing to critique when she's ready in general. (Yincira, just hear me out when I do bring it up. I'm not gonna bombard you with this and that. I've got things drafted up for that point, since now still isn't the time, which is why I didn't contact you directly.)

I had also pulled the plug on what's gonna be my last attempt to recruit anyone for Unwilling Service. Only two people even bothered to apply (although Heather did come back, long after I stopped expecting to hear from her), which tells me that there aren't that many people left who might still be interested in the project. The fact that I even had to upload it a third time, because of nearly everyone I hire fizzling out and half of those I put on hold obviously moving on (evident from their lack of a response when I call them up), should speak volumes how well that's all gone.

In addition to that, there's not even any fulfillment left to derive from the story itself. All it is now is a reminder of how badly Jake had alienated me. To his credit, he did deny his own feelings as an excuse for having left such trust and consideration as mine unfulfilled. However, when I asked him what he meant about half-measures, among other things, he specified my ban on muscles being one of them. How he felt is up to him, but that just left me the impression of a six-year-old who ignores some instructions given to him and does things his own way, and then upon being called out, decides that he hates whatever involves them. Like he just decided not to take me seriously in the first place when I laid out a simple rule.

(In addition to all that, I can't help but also remember various other moments that didn't go so well between me and him. Not gonna take him on a guilt trip, though; I'm only mentioning that to explain what led me to treat him in such a way that he'd tell me off just last night.)

My decision to stop dealing with the story altogether also has to do with that still-planned trip to Japan, from which the story would also suck funding for as I pay others to flesh out each chapter I write. However, at the same time, I have also gone on to fish for OC-oriented Cibus fics, built around the Cibus/Esuriens dynamic itself instead of reworking canon characters around said dynamic (which can still wait until Yincira's back). So far, no one has bitten, and John is still busy with Starcrossed Sisters, but I'll be sure to ask it of him when he's done. Meanwhile, while I am not going to write anything as a Christmas gift, I did also ask Brian if he'd write anything for me as such.

Right now, I've just asked Link-NM, the owner of Makendou Central, if he'd be willing to help me plan out my Makendou story, but I'm done getting my hopes up about anything at this point. I'd be grateful if he actually did show some interest, but the only reason I haven't commissioned anyone for that is because barely anyone is familiar with Makeruna! Makendou, and obesity as a fetish is also a niche interest.

Basically, I've been at wit's end, and Jake had at least half to do with it. That's why I became increasingly hostile to him and even quick to assume that he had decided to disengage with me when I tried to reach an understanding with him, despite having given him permission in the first place to come back to it later. (If anything, though, I should have started my following email to him with "On second thought" or something.)

I hope Jake will forgive me for that while still accepting responsibility for his failure and doing whatever he can, whenever he can, to make up for that, especially since he himself had treated me similarly before for similar reasons that he'd explain years later on LiveJournal. If he does, maybe we can have another go with Unwilling Service and some kind of agreement surrounding that whenever he's got his life back in order, especially if that's within a year from now before I head to Japan. If not, that would be all the more reason just to leave it behind.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-09-16 06:14 am

(no subject)

Asked Mom yesterday to make a sidestop to Barnes & Noble on her way home from work to pick up whatever she can find for me to wrap up for Marie for Christmas. She in turn proposed that we both go, but I went on to explain why I asked her just to go, which involved her workplace's proximity to the Smithhaven Mall and how I could have kept my cash in the first place to spend instead of paying in debit right after making a bank deposit the other day.

We picked up on it shortly after she came home, and she suggested that instead of buying things, maybe I could write something tailored specifically for Marie and even others, something she also suggested when I explained my whole fanfiction dilemma to her and Marie the other day. I went on to explain that my muse does not work that way, that I can't just pick something to write about and magically come up with ideas for a story. Long story short, the circumstances leading up to anything I ever had planned out were much more natural and complicated than that. (To describe each of those individually would require a rough draft in my notebook first.)
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-09-15 05:48 am

(no subject)

Marie has left this morning, but has expressed interest in continuing Puella Magi Madoka Magica next time she comes over after having watched episode 3 last night.
dmxrated: (Natsuki)
2017-09-14 08:13 am

(no subject)

The four of us went to the beach for what will likely be the last time this year. The water was pretty rough, and we only went in waist-deep before coming out to dry off and then leaving.

(Mom brought Dad, Marie, and Sam there the previous day, but I declined because I needed some time to unwind right after running some errands.)


For dinner, Mom had Marie order some Turkish food, and I went with her to pick it up. Upon arriving, we saw a huge flock of crows in the parking lot and on the phone wires, digging through mulch for worms.

The two of us later watched another episode of Lucky Star. After it ended, she asked if that was my favorite show, which I confirmed, specifying Puella Magi Madoka Magica as my other as well, asking if she remembers that. She confirmed, and asked if that was what the game I intend to play on her phone comes from, which I confirmed in turn. She then agreed to watch an episode of that today, which I have pulled up on Crunchyroll right now for after she finishes eating breakfast.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-09-12 05:35 am

(no subject)

After finally having gotten Brian to read the 4th grade file I wrote last year and getting closure on it, I'm feeling somewhat more inclined now to deal with Starbound again. While I still don't have the spoons to deal with the sixth chapter, I would like everything I wrote to lead up to something.

To begin with, the next thing we were supposed to cover was Popotan and its inspiration for my fic's version of Magicant; might re-watch that for myself, one episode at a time, once Marie leaves. Going further, though, with nothing else moving along at the moment, this might be a better time than any to buy the entire Mother GBA trilogy and play game 1 for the sake of a walkthrough. Might also be a good way to buy more time to master kanji before playing Magia Record, for which I might actually ask Marie just to bring her current phone with her next time she comes over (should be Christmas at the latest, if not Thanksgiving), instead of mailing it to me. Might take another trip to Brian's place on Christmas.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-09-11 04:41 am

(no subject)

Reposted Unwilling Service to Upwork for the third time yesterday morning. This time, I am not putting anyone on hold; given everyone's combined track record, it would be better to assign the same chapter to multiple contractors then to depend on only one person at a time for each chapter and then have nearly everyone else move on by the time they fail.


Brian and I watched a fandub of Miyakawa-ke no Kuufuku yesterday. At first, he wanted to show me this game called Towerfall, but I told him I didn't want to look at any new games for the time being. (Did make a point of checking it out on YouTube when I eventually got home, and it looks interesting enough.)

Bought seven bottles of bubblegum soda, on top of ten I had bought the previous day, while the two of us awaited Marie and Sam to bring me home. As it turns out, though, Marie actually told me that Mom actually referred to someone else's grandmother from where she works. I wound up bringing one bag of five bottles home with me, while Brian kept all the rest, and had one for myself to go with a slice of pizza I got somewhere we stopped for lunch.

Marie had to bring Sam to a job interview in New York, so she drove me first to Bridgeport to hitch a ferry to Long Island. I read the rest of volume 3 of Et Cetera during the ride, and we were just in time to catch the 3:30 ride.

Brought the soda issue up with Mom, and while she herself had never heard of that particular flavor until Marie sent her a picture of the first one I bought for myself, she did say that it probably is in fact available on Long Island, and that I just never notice it around because I hardly ever drink soda to begin with.
dmxrated: (cake buffet)
2017-09-10 07:05 am

(no subject)

Ate with Brian, Marie, and Sam at The Haven last night for our last meal together. Having already had a chicken sandwich at Brassica for lunch only a few hours earlier (much later than I normally have lunch), I decided to get dessert instead of dinner, and ordered this ice cream dish called The '99, which Marie was sure to take a picture of.
dmxrated: (cake buffet)
2017-09-09 06:43 am

(no subject)

Managed yesterday to get multiple naps in preparation for Marie's going-away party at 8 PM. Part of that might have had something to do with having had two chocolate chip pancakes at Forest Hills Diner for breakfast, but having gone to bed well past 7 last night, I've just managed to wake up at 5:45 instead of 4. (Also helps to have WaniKani off exactly for this reason, although I can't wait to reactivate that on Monday, the day after Marie and I return home.)

Because of how filling breakfast aforementionedly was, it was at 2 that I came over to Marie's place to finish off some pizza from the previous night for lunch. Along the way there, I stopped at the convenience store for some soda to go with it, and managed to land some bubblegum-flavored. (Marie would later tell me that, according to Mom and Dad, Grandma Barbara has been craving that while in some kind of rehab, so I'll be sure to stock up on some more before we head home.)

Also passed some waking downtime by coming back to Juice Jam, and discovered a 44-hour period of infinite lives I now have. That'll be good for when I'm back home, want to settle down, and will be glad to have one less morning that I wake up to a whole pile of WaniKani reviews to take care of while still not fully awake.


For the party, Marie's friend Em's apartment was decorated with balloons, some streamers arranged to resemble the Golden Gate Bridge, and this toy light-up cat-thing that changes color each time it's tapped. She also had a soft-serve machine, and even though the ice cream was rather quick to melt, it was still good with any number of condiments (some of which were mine that I bought to provide), although candy corns and Sour Patch candies do get kinda hard when cold.
dmxrated: (Default)
2017-09-08 07:11 am

(no subject)

Went shopping with Marie and Sam yesterday, for stuff for a going-away party Marie will be having tonight.

Also managed last night to watch an episode of Lucky Star with Marie and her roommates. Brian came and joined in halfway through, and then the four of them started a round of The Settlers of Catan. I sat by and followed along, and so did Sam when he came over shortly before I lost track of things and headed back to Brian's place.


In light of a conversation I should not have had with Yincira (not describing the details here), one thing Brian and Mom have helped me place a finger on so far, was the feeling one gets when they discover somewhere someone else is willing to tread when it's something the former had reason to believe otherwise.

What I shouldn't have done, though, was put Yincira through some kind of litmus test. Even if what one actually presents isn't inherently offensive to the recipient, the act itself is still insulting.

Basically, when in doubt, ask, but only if you have any particular reason to.