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Nov. 11th, 2009 05:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dmxratedChelle still has yet to explain her situation regarding not being able to go to college, assuming she's even going to. Even though she is able to write fanfiction and draw artwork at her spare time instead of having to focus on term papers and readings and studying for exams, I'd probably be insulting to say that I envy her, because one could bet that he wishes that college even was an option for her. (The way Dad sees it, though, all I want for my already "perfect" life is even more time to look at "girls-in-their-underwear pictures" and play video games... which are exactly what Chelle doesn't do with her life to begin with.)
So anyway, two days ago, Vinnie insisted that I book a tutor for my Africa and Sales Management classes after hearing that I failed both the respective midterms despite reading the stuff so many times. He escorted me to student services so I could get one, and the following morning, I started thinking of cancelling both appointments. Before my Africa class started, I gave Mom a call on my cell phone, just to tell her my intentions so that there are no surprises. I was barely coherent, so I wrote a list in the back of my Africa notebook, of seven things that piss me off to the point that I almost want to actually fail my classes at this point.
1) Ms. Bandows constantly bitched at me to do my work and hurry up, even when I was.
2) I already hoped to find a job when I graduated from Suffolk.
3) Endless cycle. The reason I don't use my real leisure for anything other than gaming is because half my downtime requires me to focus on term papers and studying for exams. Week after week when I started Dowling, I hoped to have enough time to write a fanfic [Fuyuki's Hot Night, my Sgt. Frog lemon], eventually made time, and then realized that it's never gonna end. I'm pissed off enough to almost *want* to fail my classes, about having had to play this game.
[Add to that, I also wanted to teach myself a computer language during that semester, so I could hack Yoshi's Island to create a game version of my Yoshi's Island fic. I took several books out for that, but hardly had any time to look at them before having to study for finals.]
4) I didn't exactly choose to make these two appointments w/ tutoring. Vinnie prodded me to do so. Hey... History was a rather hard class, and I barely passed w/ a D, but I passed nonetheless.
[And let's not forget Human Sexuality (Spring 2005), Astronomy (Summer 2005), and even Literature in Fall 2007 (in which I forfeited the midterm altogether). No extra help from anyone. All I did was get cracking with them.]
5) I'm looking forward to what Vinnie would say once I tell him about cancelling my appts, after all his shit about how I need to have friends, and to achieve instead of just passing.
6) The reason I could never take less than four classes at a time: Insurance benefits, or whatever.
7) I used to be paranoid, until I was pulled out of Spanish early in 11th grade [following an incident involving the MF-word.]
[Oh. Yeah, I once did get into an argument with my Social Studies teacher early in 9th grade, insulting her even after she threatened to call home. But, that was it.]
What would I have done w/ my time other than play video games and look at bikini girls? I'll tell you:
1) Artwork
2) Learn Japanese
3) Write fanfiction
Oh, that's not good enough? Instead, I'm supposed to have some system whose sole purpose is to play games with my life let it have its way?
Y'know, this is exactly why the hippies just said "Fuck college." They chose instead to grow their own food in poverty, so they could do their own thing at their leisure.
Well, having a nap when I got home made me feel a little better. I showed that list to Mom when she came home, and she read it while I took the recycling out and brought in the garbage cans. When I came back inside, she spoke to me about this whole thing. Most notably, she told me that she called Megan after my pissed-off phone call, and asked that Vinnie just not come and see me anymore because of my mood after each time I see him. So, that rules out #5 on the list. She said that the kinds of jobs available that I could get with an Associate's Degree pretty much amount to McDonald's, which I had already left a year before graduating from Suffolk. She also said that the hippies from 1960 either got real jobs or are currently paying the price for their decisions.
Me? I'm still in college for three reasons. One: The only other place one can choose and buy lunch (as far as I know) is at the hospital. Two: This is the only way I'm gonna be able to start Retro Savior. And three: Dad forfeited college, just to get back at his father. As a result, he had to learn how to fix the oil burner and shingle the roof and whatnot, because he and Mom can't make enough money to just pay someone to do it for us. Once this semester ends and I find myself a stable job, my spare time belongs to me. Not getting married, not having or adopting kids, just gonna waste my life away doing the shit I wanna do.
So anyway, two days ago, Vinnie insisted that I book a tutor for my Africa and Sales Management classes after hearing that I failed both the respective midterms despite reading the stuff so many times. He escorted me to student services so I could get one, and the following morning, I started thinking of cancelling both appointments. Before my Africa class started, I gave Mom a call on my cell phone, just to tell her my intentions so that there are no surprises. I was barely coherent, so I wrote a list in the back of my Africa notebook, of seven things that piss me off to the point that I almost want to actually fail my classes at this point.
1) Ms. Bandows constantly bitched at me to do my work and hurry up, even when I was.
2) I already hoped to find a job when I graduated from Suffolk.
3) Endless cycle. The reason I don't use my real leisure for anything other than gaming is because half my downtime requires me to focus on term papers and studying for exams. Week after week when I started Dowling, I hoped to have enough time to write a fanfic [Fuyuki's Hot Night, my Sgt. Frog lemon], eventually made time, and then realized that it's never gonna end. I'm pissed off enough to almost *want* to fail my classes, about having had to play this game.
[Add to that, I also wanted to teach myself a computer language during that semester, so I could hack Yoshi's Island to create a game version of my Yoshi's Island fic. I took several books out for that, but hardly had any time to look at them before having to study for finals.]
4) I didn't exactly choose to make these two appointments w/ tutoring. Vinnie prodded me to do so. Hey... History was a rather hard class, and I barely passed w/ a D, but I passed nonetheless.
[And let's not forget Human Sexuality (Spring 2005), Astronomy (Summer 2005), and even Literature in Fall 2007 (in which I forfeited the midterm altogether). No extra help from anyone. All I did was get cracking with them.]
5) I'm looking forward to what Vinnie would say once I tell him about cancelling my appts, after all his shit about how I need to have friends, and to achieve instead of just passing.
6) The reason I could never take less than four classes at a time: Insurance benefits, or whatever.
7) I used to be paranoid, until I was pulled out of Spanish early in 11th grade [following an incident involving the MF-word.]
[Oh. Yeah, I once did get into an argument with my Social Studies teacher early in 9th grade, insulting her even after she threatened to call home. But, that was it.]
What would I have done w/ my time other than play video games and look at bikini girls? I'll tell you:
1) Artwork
2) Learn Japanese
3) Write fanfiction
Oh, that's not good enough? Instead, I'm supposed to have some system whose sole purpose is to play games with my life let it have its way?
Y'know, this is exactly why the hippies just said "Fuck college." They chose instead to grow their own food in poverty, so they could do their own thing at their leisure.
Well, having a nap when I got home made me feel a little better. I showed that list to Mom when she came home, and she read it while I took the recycling out and brought in the garbage cans. When I came back inside, she spoke to me about this whole thing. Most notably, she told me that she called Megan after my pissed-off phone call, and asked that Vinnie just not come and see me anymore because of my mood after each time I see him. So, that rules out #5 on the list. She said that the kinds of jobs available that I could get with an Associate's Degree pretty much amount to McDonald's, which I had already left a year before graduating from Suffolk. She also said that the hippies from 1960 either got real jobs or are currently paying the price for their decisions.
Me? I'm still in college for three reasons. One: The only other place one can choose and buy lunch (as far as I know) is at the hospital. Two: This is the only way I'm gonna be able to start Retro Savior. And three: Dad forfeited college, just to get back at his father. As a result, he had to learn how to fix the oil burner and shingle the roof and whatnot, because he and Mom can't make enough money to just pay someone to do it for us. Once this semester ends and I find myself a stable job, my spare time belongs to me. Not getting married, not having or adopting kids, just gonna waste my life away doing the shit I wanna do.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-13 05:50 pm (UTC)I've started writing it but it made me depressive, got a cry-episode and then let it be. I'll continue writing it once I feel like I can handle remembering it.
And yes, I would have liked the chance to study since I love learning. Heck, before the trouble of middle school, I was one of the top students of base school for a reason. But it's not insulting to say that you envy me for free time, since wanting more time free is a normal thing, and I do like that I've got time for these things. That's why my new objective became to publish stories.
Anyway, what I wanted to say about my school experience related somewhat to the leave-classes thing. Keep doing it, it's an autism thing since our brain processes information slower than normal, you need to take some time apart for this to happen otherwise your ability to learn stops for a while. There's a kid I read about a while ago with the same problem, this was solved by arranging that someone got to share notes with him for the time he had to leave class.