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Jan. 13th, 2018 04:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dmxratedInternet was supposedly down all day yesterday. Dad had one of his doctor's appointments in New York City yesterday, so he and Mom were out the whole day, but before they left, Dad was only momentarily able to watch TV. Mom did something under Dad's computer desk, on top of which our router is located, after I had already tried resetting that, but to no avail, so we assumed from there that something was going on with Optimum Online.
When they came home, Mom was actually able to send some emails, but my computer still lacked access, only to regain that when she looked behind it and saw a loose cable.
And it was then that I realized that Jake had in fact gotten back to me the previous night, after I had already gone off to bed, saying that he really can't forgive me over what I said if I'm not willing to change my ways and am only bound to default back to my ongoing issues. I went on to ask why he proposed so many things on his own last year to have happen in something he actually hated all along, and what difference it actually would have made if I had apologized properly in the first place, and yes, I actually want to know both.
I'm gonna assume that that one thing I said to start with was what opened his eyes about me, and everything I'd go on to say the next day only confirmed what he realized. I get what he means when he says I am not nearly as sexual as I was twelve years ago, despite certain "normal" things that still turn me on to gawk at, even though that's not something I can just decide to change. I know I talk so much about my own fetishes, and am mostly into stuff like Lucky Star, Strawberry Marshmallow, and Di Gi Charat, about cute girls doing cute things, but I honestly don't know where he gets the idea that I'm not open to other types of subject matter. Is it because, even among what I seek out on my own, I'm not so far into other things as to talk about them very obsessively or write fanfiction about them? Because I only rarely pursue new things particularly actively to watch or play in the first place?
When they came home, Mom was actually able to send some emails, but my computer still lacked access, only to regain that when she looked behind it and saw a loose cable.
And it was then that I realized that Jake had in fact gotten back to me the previous night, after I had already gone off to bed, saying that he really can't forgive me over what I said if I'm not willing to change my ways and am only bound to default back to my ongoing issues. I went on to ask why he proposed so many things on his own last year to have happen in something he actually hated all along, and what difference it actually would have made if I had apologized properly in the first place, and yes, I actually want to know both.
I'm gonna assume that that one thing I said to start with was what opened his eyes about me, and everything I'd go on to say the next day only confirmed what he realized. I get what he means when he says I am not nearly as sexual as I was twelve years ago, despite certain "normal" things that still turn me on to gawk at, even though that's not something I can just decide to change. I know I talk so much about my own fetishes, and am mostly into stuff like Lucky Star, Strawberry Marshmallow, and Di Gi Charat, about cute girls doing cute things, but I honestly don't know where he gets the idea that I'm not open to other types of subject matter. Is it because, even among what I seek out on my own, I'm not so far into other things as to talk about them very obsessively or write fanfiction about them? Because I only rarely pursue new things particularly actively to watch or play in the first place?