![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Apr. 13th, 2016 04:53 amhttps://loveexplosions.net/2013/01/30/the-cost-of-compliance-is-unreasonable/
http://ollibean.com/2016/03/23/normalcy-is-an-ableist-concept/
I honestly hope that any kids my brother or sister end up raising, or any that others I know already are, turn out at some point to be autistic. Some anvils need to be dropped, and it is only too often that I come across posts about ableism that a friend of mine reblogs on Tumblr.
If anyone I know ends up raising an autistic child, I will ask them to encourage their kid to stand up to anyone who badgers them in any way about meeting their or others' expectations. Not least of all, their aides, teachers, and any future employers. I would ask them to make it clear in advance that, should any authority figure call home for the child in question defending himself or refusing to subject themselves to their overbearing demands or otherwise communicating no to them (as opposed to actually misbehaving, and provided they don't insult or attack them), they will not be in trouble at home.
It is not one's mission in life to meet every expectation placed upon them, and it is not an aide's job to train her designated student to meet those expectations or to fit in socially. The real purpose of a one-on-one is to help someone navigate the world in such a way that works for them, and to represent them when he or she cannot represent himself well enough. True, actual behavior and impulses should be regulated, and there should be consequences for inappropriate behavior, but the concept of behavior itself does not include the speed at which one takes notes, the position of their legs while sitting, coming slightly late to class (provided class hasn't actually started, and you're not just wandering the halls instead of coming in at all), nervous impulses like pen-biting, hand-flapping, or hair-twirling (unless they're distracting in class), or saying no.
Even where actual behavior is concerned, the focus should be on either diffusing any stimuli that trigger it in the first place or managing the energy that goes towards them in a positive way, not simply toughing it out. Also, while it is true that young children would tend not to grasp anything psychological or neurological like the concept of introspection, people in general tend to be more productive the more comfortable they are. So, part of improving their performance should include listening to their needs, and if they say something like they feel tense under certain circumstances or they feel burnt out after a while or a certain time or that they can't focus, then help with life or schoolwork management is what an aide should be doing.
Should an aide give any kid a hard time about the efforts they're making, I would encourage that kid to tell her right off (except for in the middle of class), put his or her head down, stop moving altogether (if it's about making it to class or some other appointed place), stonewall her, or anything non-disruptive and non-physical. I would not recommend shouting during class or hitting her, but the point is to communicate that you will not put up with such treatment as in question. It is only natural for one to get frustrated when their expectations are not being met, but an aide is still supposed to recognize what and how much a child is developmentally capable of, and she is there to help him, not to train him like an animal. She owes to the child, not the other way around.
The world does not owe you a living, but it does owe you respect, provided you act like an upstanding person. It is not up to you to change who you are, it is up to others to accept you for who you are, as long as nothing you do affects anyone beyond mere annoyance (as a byproduct, anyway) and you treat others with due respect.
-----
Struck up a phone conversation with Mrs. Bandows just yesterday, after having already written the above rant to Facebook the other day. She told me that she had actually mentioned me just the previous day, while telling someone about the jobs she used to work in general, which included one school kitchen at Charles E. Walters before working with me, and a bank position some time after she was replaced as my aide. If I recall correctly, she is currently working as a one-on-one at her granddaughter's school, and that's all the more reason for me to address my issues in a follow-up letter to her, in hopes that she considers whether or not she might be a bit overbearing with whoever she's with right now or might be assigned with in the future. (I had mentioned that essay to her, but didn't actually address any actual issues, and she told me that she doesn't use computers at all.)
http://ollibean.com/2016/03/23/normalcy-is-an-ableist-concept/
I honestly hope that any kids my brother or sister end up raising, or any that others I know already are, turn out at some point to be autistic. Some anvils need to be dropped, and it is only too often that I come across posts about ableism that a friend of mine reblogs on Tumblr.
If anyone I know ends up raising an autistic child, I will ask them to encourage their kid to stand up to anyone who badgers them in any way about meeting their or others' expectations. Not least of all, their aides, teachers, and any future employers. I would ask them to make it clear in advance that, should any authority figure call home for the child in question defending himself or refusing to subject themselves to their overbearing demands or otherwise communicating no to them (as opposed to actually misbehaving, and provided they don't insult or attack them), they will not be in trouble at home.
It is not one's mission in life to meet every expectation placed upon them, and it is not an aide's job to train her designated student to meet those expectations or to fit in socially. The real purpose of a one-on-one is to help someone navigate the world in such a way that works for them, and to represent them when he or she cannot represent himself well enough. True, actual behavior and impulses should be regulated, and there should be consequences for inappropriate behavior, but the concept of behavior itself does not include the speed at which one takes notes, the position of their legs while sitting, coming slightly late to class (provided class hasn't actually started, and you're not just wandering the halls instead of coming in at all), nervous impulses like pen-biting, hand-flapping, or hair-twirling (unless they're distracting in class), or saying no.
Even where actual behavior is concerned, the focus should be on either diffusing any stimuli that trigger it in the first place or managing the energy that goes towards them in a positive way, not simply toughing it out. Also, while it is true that young children would tend not to grasp anything psychological or neurological like the concept of introspection, people in general tend to be more productive the more comfortable they are. So, part of improving their performance should include listening to their needs, and if they say something like they feel tense under certain circumstances or they feel burnt out after a while or a certain time or that they can't focus, then help with life or schoolwork management is what an aide should be doing.
Should an aide give any kid a hard time about the efforts they're making, I would encourage that kid to tell her right off (except for in the middle of class), put his or her head down, stop moving altogether (if it's about making it to class or some other appointed place), stonewall her, or anything non-disruptive and non-physical. I would not recommend shouting during class or hitting her, but the point is to communicate that you will not put up with such treatment as in question. It is only natural for one to get frustrated when their expectations are not being met, but an aide is still supposed to recognize what and how much a child is developmentally capable of, and she is there to help him, not to train him like an animal. She owes to the child, not the other way around.
The world does not owe you a living, but it does owe you respect, provided you act like an upstanding person. It is not up to you to change who you are, it is up to others to accept you for who you are, as long as nothing you do affects anyone beyond mere annoyance (as a byproduct, anyway) and you treat others with due respect.
-----
Struck up a phone conversation with Mrs. Bandows just yesterday, after having already written the above rant to Facebook the other day. She told me that she had actually mentioned me just the previous day, while telling someone about the jobs she used to work in general, which included one school kitchen at Charles E. Walters before working with me, and a bank position some time after she was replaced as my aide. If I recall correctly, she is currently working as a one-on-one at her granddaughter's school, and that's all the more reason for me to address my issues in a follow-up letter to her, in hopes that she considers whether or not she might be a bit overbearing with whoever she's with right now or might be assigned with in the future. (I had mentioned that essay to her, but didn't actually address any actual issues, and she told me that she doesn't use computers at all.)