(no subject)
Jul. 27th, 2014 06:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dmxratedReturned all four disks of Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire to the library, and got a copy of volume 4 that I hope will work. Mom also had some shopping to do at a different shopping center nearby.
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Asked Lance recently to come up with some ideas for the main four to do with Kou, Izumi, Tamaki, and Miku later in the sumo fic. After specifying that the purpose was to showcase how their newly-formed friendships w/ eachother would flourish, he told me that what's more important is good dialogue.
He also said that he'll support me once I show him what I come up with. This led to me asking him to read what I've already written, and he said he'll only read it to critique. So far, it's been mostly spelling and grammatical errors, but he also did suggest several things things which I rejected for various reasons. For example, he suggested that I create a filler chapter to precede the current one, in order to ease readers into the fic, and also to actually describe Tadao and Miki. I told him that Chelle had advised me against those, the former because both entire canons are normalcy, and the latter for being somewhat condescending given how familiar anyone should already be who's consumed the source material. (Sometimes, I do say something like "a certain" such-and-such for someone's first appearance in a story. For example, I am planning to say "a certain kitty-toothed girl" to refer to Misao when she first appears in the beginning of Starbound's fifth chapter.)
Speaking of which, Chelle often does point out how irrelevant it is to refer to someone by some trait or another of theirs (often their hair color) instead of their name, despite how common it is to the point of being normal. I've tried to do this less for the aforementioned Starbound chapter, at least trying to find some trait that's more relevant, but still focusing on not using their name when it would become tedious (similar to how we use pronouns to replace nouns after their first use or so).
Here's an example from chapter 3 of To Blossom In Winter:
The force of the turn had caused Yutaka's body to shift upright once more, and the force of this action caused her to be roused from her previously undisturbed nap. She blinked wearily as she fought to determine where she was. Her innocent eyes soon met Minami's and her mouth instantly spread into a mirthful grin.
"We're here, Minami-chan!" Minami could tell the salmon-haired girl could hardly contain her jubilation.
"The salmon-haired girl" = Yutaka. This is the trait used to address her in most fics that involve her. Irrelevant as her hair color may be, I'm not sure what would be more relevant to the context to address her by most of the time (in this context, maybe "her friend") while giving her actual name a rest for the sentence.
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Asked Lance recently to come up with some ideas for the main four to do with Kou, Izumi, Tamaki, and Miku later in the sumo fic. After specifying that the purpose was to showcase how their newly-formed friendships w/ eachother would flourish, he told me that what's more important is good dialogue.
He also said that he'll support me once I show him what I come up with. This led to me asking him to read what I've already written, and he said he'll only read it to critique. So far, it's been mostly spelling and grammatical errors, but he also did suggest several things things which I rejected for various reasons. For example, he suggested that I create a filler chapter to precede the current one, in order to ease readers into the fic, and also to actually describe Tadao and Miki. I told him that Chelle had advised me against those, the former because both entire canons are normalcy, and the latter for being somewhat condescending given how familiar anyone should already be who's consumed the source material. (Sometimes, I do say something like "a certain" such-and-such for someone's first appearance in a story. For example, I am planning to say "a certain kitty-toothed girl" to refer to Misao when she first appears in the beginning of Starbound's fifth chapter.)
Speaking of which, Chelle often does point out how irrelevant it is to refer to someone by some trait or another of theirs (often their hair color) instead of their name, despite how common it is to the point of being normal. I've tried to do this less for the aforementioned Starbound chapter, at least trying to find some trait that's more relevant, but still focusing on not using their name when it would become tedious (similar to how we use pronouns to replace nouns after their first use or so).
Here's an example from chapter 3 of To Blossom In Winter:
The force of the turn had caused Yutaka's body to shift upright once more, and the force of this action caused her to be roused from her previously undisturbed nap. She blinked wearily as she fought to determine where she was. Her innocent eyes soon met Minami's and her mouth instantly spread into a mirthful grin.
"We're here, Minami-chan!" Minami could tell the salmon-haired girl could hardly contain her jubilation.
"The salmon-haired girl" = Yutaka. This is the trait used to address her in most fics that involve her. Irrelevant as her hair color may be, I'm not sure what would be more relevant to the context to address her by most of the time (in this context, maybe "her friend") while giving her actual name a rest for the sentence.
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Date: 2019-07-17 12:26 pm (UTC)Why do you consider names tedious? Why do names need rests? They can't be worn out. If you need to fancy up a sentence by replacing names, then there's something wrong with the overall structure being bland, not the name.
Case in point :
"Minami could tell the salmon-haired girl could hardly contain her jubilation."
Because the author chose such a bland, Tell Don't Show sentence to convey it, they apparently resort to the gimmick to cover up their other gimmick, which already put two of the same name in close repetition. They could have avoided that by actually show what physical signs Yutaka gives (getting up quickly, bouncing, whatever) that indicate restrained joy. Absolutely not need for any "Minami could tell" in that sentence.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-17 12:28 pm (UTC)Like I said, it's the same reason why we use pronouns to avoid repetition of the same word for something. Here are two equivalent examples involving inanimate objects; see if there's any difference there:
1) Konata then picked up one of Kagami’s ponytails, and started tugging playfully at it.
“Put it down, Konata.”
“Not until you let me see your homework.”
“For the last time, you are not seeing my answers!!!!!” she shouted as she yanked the piece of hair out of her friend’s hand.
2) "Here they come, actually," said Rokuna, just as a silver minivan pulled up near the residence.
"Hey, everyone," said the blue-haired girl while she, Yutaka, Soujiro, and even Nanako Kuroi emerged from the vehicle.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-17 12:29 pm (UTC)That's the opposite of giving a character's name, and then dumping random, repetitive descriptions of their appearance to indicate them at later points.
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Date: 2019-07-17 12:30 pm (UTC)Come to think of it, I don't seem to recall traits ever being used to replace names during two-person dialogue while reading books. It seems to be something done mostly by fanfic authors. So, I guess the real question would be why do they do that (which I probably have already answered myself)?
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Date: 2019-07-17 12:30 pm (UTC)