Jul. 27th, 2014

dmxrated: (Mai)
Returned all four disks of Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire to the library, and got a copy of volume 4 that I hope will work. Mom also had some shopping to do at a different shopping center nearby.

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Asked Lance recently to come up with some ideas for the main four to do with Kou, Izumi, Tamaki, and Miku later in the sumo fic. After specifying that the purpose was to showcase how their newly-formed friendships w/ eachother would flourish, he told me that what's more important is good dialogue.

He also said that he'll support me once I show him what I come up with. This led to me asking him to read what I've already written, and he said he'll only read it to critique. So far, it's been mostly spelling and grammatical errors, but he also did suggest several things things which I rejected for various reasons. For example, he suggested that I create a filler chapter to precede the current one, in order to ease readers into the fic, and also to actually describe Tadao and Miki. I told him that Chelle had advised me against those, the former because both entire canons are normalcy, and the latter for being somewhat condescending given how familiar anyone should already be who's consumed the source material. (Sometimes, I do say something like "a certain" such-and-such for someone's first appearance in a story. For example, I am planning to say "a certain kitty-toothed girl" to refer to Misao when she first appears in the beginning of Starbound's fifth chapter.)

Speaking of which, Chelle often does point out how irrelevant it is to refer to someone by some trait or another of theirs (often their hair color) instead of their name, despite how common it is to the point of being normal. I've tried to do this less for the aforementioned Starbound chapter, at least trying to find some trait that's more relevant, but still focusing on not using their name when it would become tedious (similar to how we use pronouns to replace nouns after their first use or so).

Here's an example from chapter 3 of To Blossom In Winter:

The force of the turn had caused Yutaka's body to shift upright once more, and the force of this action caused her to be roused from her previously undisturbed nap. She blinked wearily as she fought to determine where she was. Her innocent eyes soon met Minami's and her mouth instantly spread into a mirthful grin.

"We're here, Minami-chan!" Minami could tell the salmon-haired girl could hardly contain her jubilation.


"The salmon-haired girl" = Yutaka. This is the trait used to address her in most fics that involve her. Irrelevant as her hair color may be, I'm not sure what would be more relevant to the context to address her by most of the time (in this context, maybe "her friend") while giving her actual name a rest for the sentence.

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