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dmxratedNeed time to decide whether I actually wish to reconcile with Jake later on. Writing this, because now is not likely the time to bombard him with yet another email.
Jake. I'm sorry I made nearly everything about me. I'm sorry I became overly aggressive and acted so inconsiderately towards your agenda and situation. I'm sorry I gave you such a thing as permission to postpone further discussion for later, and then yanked it on you. I'm sorry I let all my emotions get the better of me. I'm sorry I came off as justifying myself when I only meant to analyze what ultimately led me to write "go fuck yourself." I wish I hadn't gypped myself of certain answers by assuming at the point in question that they weren't coming anyway, and I would be grateful to hear whatever you would've had to say. Again, I know we both said everything we respectively said at the heat of the moment, and you'll need some time to cool down before deciding whether to stand by it all or not.
At the same time, though, let me say this just for the sake of honesty, because I know it's not right to ask someone to come back and then demand that they make up for their own actions: I'm not sure if Unwilling Service will ever be worth attempting again, if it's only gonna remind me of a huge part of this whole ordeal thus far. Ending this relationship on such a bad note as right now would give me another reason less to continue it, given its roots with its ensemble of protagonists, but if it's not worth continuing because of your sudden decision to disengage with it after leading me on for so long, genuine as the reasons behind all that may have been, then I don't know if I still would want to be friends with you, given all the former potential of a story that's just too heartbreaking to work on anymore.
I know you said something about "letting bygones be bygones" (Mom presumes you mean these issues still on my mind), and I know you would never deliberately troll me, but that doesn't make this whole thing any less traumatic for me. Chelle said it before, to Brian (third comment down): If something hurts, nothing else should matter as to why it "shouldn't." I still want closure on this, even if we still can't arrange for any terms more favorable for you to continue beta-writing. I don't even care when it happens or whether it's money or writing or just getting to the bottom of all this.
You're free to contact me whenever you wish, if you ever do, but otherwise, I'm probably gonna take between a few months and a year before we talk again, if it's back on the table even by then.
Jake. I'm sorry I made nearly everything about me. I'm sorry I became overly aggressive and acted so inconsiderately towards your agenda and situation. I'm sorry I gave you such a thing as permission to postpone further discussion for later, and then yanked it on you. I'm sorry I let all my emotions get the better of me. I'm sorry I came off as justifying myself when I only meant to analyze what ultimately led me to write "go fuck yourself." I wish I hadn't gypped myself of certain answers by assuming at the point in question that they weren't coming anyway, and I would be grateful to hear whatever you would've had to say. Again, I know we both said everything we respectively said at the heat of the moment, and you'll need some time to cool down before deciding whether to stand by it all or not.
At the same time, though, let me say this just for the sake of honesty, because I know it's not right to ask someone to come back and then demand that they make up for their own actions: I'm not sure if Unwilling Service will ever be worth attempting again, if it's only gonna remind me of a huge part of this whole ordeal thus far. Ending this relationship on such a bad note as right now would give me another reason less to continue it, given its roots with its ensemble of protagonists, but if it's not worth continuing because of your sudden decision to disengage with it after leading me on for so long, genuine as the reasons behind all that may have been, then I don't know if I still would want to be friends with you, given all the former potential of a story that's just too heartbreaking to work on anymore.
I know you said something about "letting bygones be bygones" (Mom presumes you mean these issues still on my mind), and I know you would never deliberately troll me, but that doesn't make this whole thing any less traumatic for me. Chelle said it before, to Brian (third comment down): If something hurts, nothing else should matter as to why it "shouldn't." I still want closure on this, even if we still can't arrange for any terms more favorable for you to continue beta-writing. I don't even care when it happens or whether it's money or writing or just getting to the bottom of all this.
You're free to contact me whenever you wish, if you ever do, but otherwise, I'm probably gonna take between a few months and a year before we talk again, if it's back on the table even by then.