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Feb. 24th, 2018 04:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dmxratedIt really is over between us. Jake got back to me, urging me to forget about him, and I asked him in turn to forget about his debt and the Yoshi's Island fic, so that I have nothing left to hold out for and can just move on.
Jake doesn't want to have this discussion while his life is in such disarray as it's been in, doesn't want me to drive myself insane any longer than I mentioned having been, and the only way for me to stop is to just perish any thought of ever resolving things properly. Technically, it is possible that we will talk again some time in the future, once he's in a better position in life, but his promise to pay me off once he has a job and a steady income would still constitute something to hold out on, for when he'd be in a better state of mind to discuss things properly, which would only perpetuate me to keep losing my mind over things.
Even his departure itself from the project aside, how do I deal with the fact that he, despite having apologized more than once, tried to explain as little as possible to me about something I deserve to know everything about? That judging from his reluctance to name any more halfway measures than the few I had to goad him for, he apparently expected unlimited creative freedom from the very beginning? That I hoped he would redeem himself of his actions with Jamie's first chapter by making no muscle references at all in his second and third, but instead, that was one of the reasons he came to hate the story itself? That all the interest he displayed even after that one dispute, until April last year (and even then, he still went on to request a trial run of the Pal Park), was basically just for show? And that, since he considers me no longer his friend after that one thing I said and misapologized for, anything I'd have left to withhold from him is now a moot point? Especially without any actual malice behind it all?
(If I ever do contact him again, it will most likely be whenever Davì finally makes his debut in Starbound, or when I reach the Hooters arc that he once suggested, in case he'd be interested by that point. At least Starbound itself is something I'm in charge of personally instead of looking forward to. But then again, both of those were probably just ways he suggested to make that story somewhat bearable for him, and I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to perish such ideas for milestones as those too.)
Jake doesn't want to have this discussion while his life is in such disarray as it's been in, doesn't want me to drive myself insane any longer than I mentioned having been, and the only way for me to stop is to just perish any thought of ever resolving things properly. Technically, it is possible that we will talk again some time in the future, once he's in a better position in life, but his promise to pay me off once he has a job and a steady income would still constitute something to hold out on, for when he'd be in a better state of mind to discuss things properly, which would only perpetuate me to keep losing my mind over things.
Even his departure itself from the project aside, how do I deal with the fact that he, despite having apologized more than once, tried to explain as little as possible to me about something I deserve to know everything about? That judging from his reluctance to name any more halfway measures than the few I had to goad him for, he apparently expected unlimited creative freedom from the very beginning? That I hoped he would redeem himself of his actions with Jamie's first chapter by making no muscle references at all in his second and third, but instead, that was one of the reasons he came to hate the story itself? That all the interest he displayed even after that one dispute, until April last year (and even then, he still went on to request a trial run of the Pal Park), was basically just for show? And that, since he considers me no longer his friend after that one thing I said and misapologized for, anything I'd have left to withhold from him is now a moot point? Especially without any actual malice behind it all?
(If I ever do contact him again, it will most likely be whenever Davì finally makes his debut in Starbound, or when I reach the Hooters arc that he once suggested, in case he'd be interested by that point. At least Starbound itself is something I'm in charge of personally instead of looking forward to. But then again, both of those were probably just ways he suggested to make that story somewhat bearable for him, and I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to perish such ideas for milestones as those too.)